Guys, You’re Giving Too Many Fucks. A Rant.

Or, more accurately, you’re putting all your fucks in the wrong place. What am I talking about?

I’m talking about being dicks. (OMG, make your point, Teresa!) Mostly on Facebook, but also in general. (Note: My friend and future baby daddy, who’s a better feminist than me, told me I should say “assholes” instead of “dicks” but it’s a hard habit to break.)

Let me give some examples.

1. Bitstrips. Why are your panties in a wad because people are posting harmless comics of themselves? Is is really that big of a deal? Are you SO UPSET that you have to make a snarky post about it that you know will make someone feel bad or defensive or pissy? I’m pretty sure that when Jesus said “turn the other cheek” (was it Jesus who said that? I don’t know religions. I’m 4/5 atheist.) he was talking about Bitstrips. I mean, really? (Is this me giving too many fucks about you giving too many fucks? Dude, I’m so meta.) Bitstrips is just one example of a larger problem. A problem of policing and judging the harmless activities and thought of others in a way that seems harmless. But I would argue that it’s not harmless. Because: reasons. Like the fact that kindness matters. Like the fact that you’re setting an example of how to treat people. Like the fact that it’s kind of grossly passive-aggressive (like this post). Like the fact that you’re not the boss of me. I think you’ll be happier if you stop wasting your fucks in this way.

2. Body snarking. What is that? Here are some examples: “Girl, what the fuck is she wearing?” and “Oh damn, I had to take a picture of this bitch in line at the bank cause she was way too fat for those shorts.” Or “she needs to do something else with that hair because she looks like a bird made a mullet nest on her face, then put it in a wood chipper.” I know fashion is, like, a THING and I don’t understand it, but I do understand bullying and if you do this or “like” it when others do it, — there’s just so much wrong here. I mean WHY? Can’t you just let people be who they are and dress how they want and not be an asshat? Do you know that this type of behavior can lead to serious problems, such as eating disorders, depression, anxiety, poor self-esteem and even suicide? Don’t give that culture of ick any of your fucks. And don’t give me the side eye and take my picture when I’m in the Dollar Store without a bra on. Because I do what I want.

3. High-horsing about music and books and TV and what-not. I know I’ve lost more than one friend over the hard line I’ve drawn about “Bones” (which is my favorite show) but if I had it all to over again, I’d take the time to get to know people I might be potential friends with instead of writing them off based on their interests. One of my BFFs is a hard-core Juggalo and if he hadn’t persisted in making me love him, I would have been the kind of snob who was like “really? off the role call.” I am not at all against people having strong opinions. But the thing that really grinds my gears is when people people give SO MANY FUCKS about what they love and what they hate that they’ll shame others about it. Again, why do you care if I’m listening to 90′s Amy Grant while I write this? I get that you have superior taste in music. I’m clearly unworthy of your friendship. Thanks for letting me know. I mean, if you’re taste in things is so superior, start a blog. Don’t be a dick about it on Facebook. (META #2! I’m being a dick about people being dicks when I’m guilty of this very dicketry! I’m so awesome!)

Dudes. I know we’ve all done these things. But seriously. Just do you. Life is hard enough and we’re all fighting through it. We have to fight through this knee-jerk reaction we all have to be assholes.

Be responsible for the energy you put into the world. Fucks are important. They have power. And you’re wasting them. If you’re going to give too many fucks, give them about more important things than comic strips and ill-fitting leggings.

You don’t have to park the car. Just find a way to drive down the street without running anyone over. GOSH.

And scene.