Things I Heart, Such as Wearing Nicholas Cage on my Whole Body

Who am I, with these pictures of myself in every post. Is this “O” Magazine? Am I Oprah? Anyway…

My last post was kind of assholey in a “let’s be assholes about people who are assholes” kind of way, so this is some karmic balancing. It’s happy things that I love! Because you care about all my opinions so much that you can’t contain yourself!

Also, I’m not prostituting any of these items. They’re things I genuinely like. But if any of them want to compensate me, I’ll totally reconsider my ban on pubic hair removal.

1. Next Issue

Holy mother of pearl. This is Netflix for Magazines. For serious. For $14 I read like infinity episodes of “The New Yorker” because I’m classy. With a “People Magazine” chaser because I’m fancy like someone who uses cloth napkins to eat Taco Bell. While I wish they had “Poets and Writers,” “Writer’s Digest” and “Curve,” I was still able to read a bunch of mags and develop a fuck-ton of pitch ideas. So that makes it a work expense, right?

2. TBB

Jess. Swoon. She’s one of my Internet sister wives. And proof that the Universe has mad jokes. Cause I had just finished writing something about how I don’t like shouty and I’m too sensitive for tough love and then I meet this “shouty mastermind” at The Brazen Bible who specializes in tough love. With an emphasis on love. And I challenge anyone not to fall in love with her. It’s shouty/tough love done right. And done super adorable. And she loves me too, but I bet she says that to all the girls…

3. This is a Nicholas Cage bodysuit

I’m not even going to write a description for this. I’m just going to stand outside your window one early morning wearing it.

4. The Fault in Our Stars

This book is cute and sweet and sad and uplifting and all kinds of other adjectives. I very much enjoyed it. It seems like every year someone close to me dies of cancer. This book is strangely helpful and uplifting about that — I mean, as much as anything could be.

5. This quote from Gloria Stienam in response to Miley Cyrus’s twerk-a-thon:

I wish we didn’t have to be nude to be noticed … But given the game as it exists, women make decisions. For instance, the Miss America contest is in all of its states … the single greatest source of scholarship money for women in the United States. If a contest based only on appearance was the single greatest source of scholarship money for men, we would be saying, “This is why China wins.” You know? It’s ridiculous. But that’s the way the culture is. I think that we need to change the culture, not blame the people that are playing the only game that exists.

Schooled. I was of the “Miley, what the fuck are you doing” school of feminists and now I have a broader, more compassionate understanding of the issue, which is the whole goal of being human, right?

6. Robyn.

My overall favorite musician of all time. And this video. Because DANCY is a way of life and better than Ritalin and Effexor combined when I’ve read too much Tea Party coverage. HUGE VIDEOS THAT WON’T RESIZE NO MATTER WHAT I DO AHEAD: