Work With Me

I’m a freelance writer specializing in feature articles, blog posts, website content, social media and zombie apocalypse preparation planning (mostly: snacks and dance playlists for your zombie shelter).

If you’re reading this blog and thinking “you kind of suck at life, why would I hire you?” first of all, don’t be a jerk, and second of all, BECAUSE I DO NOT SUCK AT WRITING FOR CLIENTS. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. And yeah, I may end up in the emergency room more than on the front page of FANCY-PANTS MAGAZINES, but all those nurses and doctors love my blog and want to hire me. You know, to make their doctor websites. Cause that happens. ALL THE TIME.

To get serious(ish) for a minute: I’ve been doing this longer than I’ve had a bank account, so I know how to write content that makes your readers slap themselves in the face for having never read your website/blog/magazine before. I’m nice, easy to work with, flexible and I don’t fuck around. I meet my deadlines. I brush my teeth before face-to-face meetings. I don’t curse in front of your mom (even if she curses at me first). I’m a legit professional.

In addition to writing new content, I can also take your existing content and rewrite it so it reads less like the back of a dandruff shampoo bottle and more like the hip websites that all the young kids are reading. You want to be hip, don’t you? (See…persuasion!)

I just have one rule. You have to promise you won’t fall in love with me.